A Letter to the Atypical Souls

One of the most pertinent lessons of being a highly sensitive and intense person is learning to shrug your shoulders when you feel ostracised by the world.

To gain such strength, we can start by embracing fully who we are.

Your trait as an atypical, sensitive and intense person is a gift.

You did nothing to get it, nor can you get rid of it.

It was given to you at birth. You are wired that way.

You love deeply, but you may not be able to say it.

You see beauty where others don't, but you may not have a companion who appreciates it alongside you.

You have a unique sense of humour, and those who understand it are delighted by your presence.

"A normal day" for you is a roller coaster ride for others. At any given hour, you have a million shades of emotions, nuanced observations, and complex thoughts.

Your thoughts are deep and complex. When you read a book, listen to a song, or watch a movie, what you see or hear are not merely images or sounds. But rather multi-layered, interwoven meanings and existential questions. Your mind has the ability to travel a million miles even you are just sitting still.

You may not know it yourself, and others certainly don't see it, but your heart breaks when you see the world's pain.

You love fiercely— not just humans but nature, science, the arts, a discipline, and the world. As a child, you were not afraid to show it. But when you realize how much your passion threatens others, you learned to hide.

How much do we adjust our intensity and oddity to match the world's frequency? This is a question asked by any intense and sensitive misfits across time and space.

If you tell the truth, others become frightened.

You are relentlessly giving, but not everyone can reciprocate.

You may be dismissed and judged when you try to reveal the real you, speak your mind, and express your true feelings.

People may blatantly say you are dramatic, arrogant and extreme. Or, they quietly retreat and passively punish you.

It takes an incredible amount of courage to stand up for yourself and be who you are.

But

Here is a crucial piece of wisdom for the neuro-atypical gifted soul that you are:

Once you accept yourself, other people's judgment, criticism, and rejection… will hurt less.

If you are able to wholeheartedly accept your intensity and drive for what others see as odd, you will find it easier to navigate the world.

Your interpersonal fragility will lessen because you no longer depend on other people's love, acceptance, praise, approval and appreciation.

In the past, if a friend went silent, you might panic. You immediately assumed that you had done "too much." You would wonder if you had said too much, revealed too much, acted too extremely, or acted in a way that elicited their judgment. You might have fallen into the trap of self-blame and shame. You might blame yourself for acting the way you did.

You might feel unable to do anything else while you anxiously waited for their responses. You might be wondering how you can edit your words and change your personality so that you will not be rejected again. If you had experienced family trauma in your childhood, very deep feelings could come up. You might feel abandoned by the world and betrayed by those who are supposed to love you. You might sink into a deep ditch of silent anger and hopelessness.

In some forms of therapies, you are told to eradicate the thoughts and feelings because they are 'irrational' and that you are 'catastrophizing'.

But intellectually, knowing the rejection may or may not be true doesn't mean your nervous system can calm down.

To the hurt inner child within you, even the mere chance that someone would dislike you can feel like the world is collapsing.

Thus, rather than rationalizing and arguing with ourselves, the ultimate strategy is to parent yourself so well that you will no longer be dependent on other people's approval.

Here is a new path that will bring you more peace, freedom and joy— the path of unconditional self-love. Having it, you no longer hinge on your peace and sanity on your other people's timely responses to you, what they think of you, or whether or not they like you.

Learn to be yourself - intense, sensitive, quietly empathetic, restless, curious, and passionate.

Do not pretend to know less than you do, do not hide the extent of your true feelings, and do not put yourself down before others say something.

Make a joke even if it is not understood, cry when you feel the urge, and laugh out loud when you want to.

Call when you want to, be warm if you want to, and speak your mind without over-editing every word.

Express your strong opinions and respect others, tell them you are offended when you are, and it is okay to express your needs even if you are not asking others to meet them.

Authenticity is your natural 'filter'.

If someone loves the above, they are your person.

If not, you need not bow to their preferences; simply lovingly release them to find someone better suited to be their friend.

As long as you act with integrity, the outcome is one that is best for all.

When a relationship or friendship ends, you are naturally sad and disappointed, but at the same time, you have learned to shrug your shoulders and know that for every person who rejects your qualities, there will be another person who will fall in love with them.

If they say you are 'too much for them, well, then perhaps they are 'not enough' for you.

Other people's judgement cannot hurt you if you do not allow it to hurt you.

Your intensity may mean that it is harder to find acceptance in the "general population," but the rarity of your gift is also what makes it a gift. When you find someone who appreciates your intelligence, is excited by your processing speed, and delights in your humour, you will create a space that feels so transcendental you realize you do not need the whole world to love you.

Even if you have not found your soulmate yet, there's no reason not to fall completely in love with yourself.

Your rich life experience, unique perspective on the world, and deep empathy for sentient beings near and far ... are all wonderful qualities that deserve love and appreciation from, first and foremost yourself.

Consider how much lonelier it is to be with someone with whom you need to edit yourself than it is to be alone but connected to yourself.

So, starting today, when something has not gone the way you expected when you feel judged by the world, can you learn to be on your own site?

Shrug your shoulders.

Give yourself a big hug.

Then move on and

Rock on.

(For more, please see Eggshell Therapy and Coaching: eggshelltherapy.com)